Tuesday, 8 December 2015

24 reasons why cats are evil

1. Cats litter. And littering is bad for the environment.

2. Witches always have a pet black cat. Need i say more?

3. Cats pretend they want to be petted, but then walk away. That’s dishonest.

4. Cats will destroy your furniture and curtains, just to see your facial expression. It amuses them.

5. Cats watch you when you’re sleeping. You didn’t know, ‘cuz you were asleep.

6. Many cats have suspect names that glorify badness: Lion (lying), Cheetah (cheater)

7. Cats do drugs (catnip).

8. Catwoman (from Batman) was a thief and supervillain. The Black Cat (from Spiderman) brings bad luck ... Not good luck, but bad luck.

9. Cats eat cute little birds.

10. Cats bury their poo in children’s sandboxes. Leaving the kids disgusting dumplings for them to unearth. That’s definitely malicious. And I’m pretty sure the cats don’t care.

11. Garfield is mean.

12. Halle Berry played Catwoman in the Movie Catwoman. And that movie was very, very bad.

13. Cats can give you a disease when they scratch you. It’s called Cat Scratch Disease and is caused by bacteria that can infect you when they scratch or bite you.

14. If you were small enough, your pet cat would eat you. And you know it’s true.

15. Cats torture their prey before they kill it.

16. Many people are very allergic to cats. And cats do that on purpose.

17. Cats like to show off by climbing trees and always landing on their feet: its arrogant.

18. Cats like to impersonate babies when they meow. Just listen for it, its creepy.

19. Cats rarely blink.

20. Cat spelled backwards is tac. Did you ever sit on a tack? It hurts and is bad.

21. Catastrophe starts with a cat.

22. Witches dissolve when sprayed with water. Cats also fear water.

23. Egyptions used to worship cats (Bubastis and the cult of the cat). So cats were cult leaders.

24. Cats fear cucumbers because they think its Larryboy.
Larryboy is a VeggieTales cucumber superhero that combats evil.  Why else would cats fear cucumbers?  Don't believe me, watch as Larryboy sneaks up on the feline villains.

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